I’ve been in a somewhat negative philosophical mood. Actually, I’ve just been grousing.
It’s too hot.
After too much rain, now not enough.
What is the meaning of life?
Is there a meaning?
What is my purpose?
Have I accomplished anything at all?
In short, I’ve really been annoying myself.
I think it is due to the odd, floaty, no control sort of feeling that has accompanied the tragic and monumental events of the last six months. There is a kinda compulsive obsession to stay glued to the facts as they unfold. The awareness that we are living through a pivotal historic period cannot be denied but rather should be nurtured. And yet feeling helpless to speed events to their conclusion – the desire to see how it all turns out – to read the last chapter mid book.
You see? Really annoying.
I’ve decided to take baby steps to get this under control. To that end, I’ve recently returned to my ‘stuff to do while under stay-at-home orders’ list: Hmm….. The first on my list was to learn a language(s). Seeing as how I’m sort of a pudding head at this time, becoming conversant in Italian and French needs to stay on the back burner. The same can be said for writing that book or studying the Crimean war (don’t ask. long story.). I haven’t lost those fifteen pounds nor am I in shape for a triathlon.
On the bright side, we have cleared out the spare bedroom, painted and organized, and included an area where I can take product photos. And I have rejoined weight watchers. Yoga is daily and I’ve started meditating. With a bit of motivation, I’ll be able to complete my current clay projects. Well, that’s not so bad. Baby steps. It’ll work.
Thanks for reading and stay safe!
Or perhaps more like a sudden realization.
Maybe just a stirring of memories.
Whatever. I’ll get on with it. But first a bit of my personal history, if you don’t mind……
I grew up surrounded with art supplies and books. On rainy days Mom would cover the dining room table (and the floor) with newspaper and bring out the watercolor paints and paper. PlayDough, my favorite, was permitted everywhere. The 64 Crayola crayon box – with built in sharpener – a hoarded treasure. I loved to draw, but at a certain age, (most likely early in grade school), I was told I “couldn’t draw”.
My love of books has stuck. (According to family lore, I had cloth books with me in my crib. It occurs to me perhaps I should have at least one book cremated with me. Bit morbid. Sorry.)
PlayDough morphed into polymer clay. My jewelry is on Etsy and I put up my tent at local shows. I also love making small animal totems, especially bunnies.
Drawing. All these years and never picked up pencil. Cause I couldn’t draw right? So now I’m taking this class I keep blathering about. I’ve had varied successes in class. I seemed determined to clench up and disappoint myself – knowing what I’ve brought to the table, pretty quickly done. So today I asked myself, “what inspired me to draw all those years ago?” Easy. Dr. Seuss. I still have my books:
I have found my happy moment! What a good morning/afternoon!
Have a great day and thank you for reading!
The songbirds have returned. Standing in my yard, listening to their celebrations of an early spring and eavesdropping on serenades to potential mates, I’m too grumpy (distracted?) to enjoy their glorious songs.
Those last couple of weeks of January were bit too rough, a little too much, I’m still processing events. I think I’ll just talk about one such event today.
Our Brandy died ten days ago.
A ball of light and love wrapped in silky red hair
Brandy was our heart: sweet, silly, ornery, and little bossy
Still youngish, never ill, she was gone in a flash.
Now, this is the part that in time will be a delight but is still a bit difficult: She died chasing a bunny. Seriously.
Dave said she was chasing the rabbit then stopped and then started running again. Her usual. (We had assumed her arthritic shoulder hampered her chases of late.). This time, however, she laid down and was gone.
Anything heart/brain/vascular could have happened. She was current with everything at the vet’s. I do believe it was simply ‘her time’. And what standard dachshund wouldn’t want their last act to be chasing a bunny? (Except for those who want to be noshing on a bit of something.).
All that being said does not make this easy.
I know we will heal. I know, given the time to process her dying, we will be fine. Not quite yet.
I can’t believe we are halfway thru January. Did it speed by or creep?
I always think I should be accomplishing great things. Constantly. Yes, I know it is illogical and impossible and I’m working on changing this mindset, but there you have it. Unreasonable expectations leading to a general dissatisfaction. Yep. Well, I have managed to teach myself to look at the stuff I did do/start/maintain.
One thing I am truly delighted about is my drawing class. After all these years of wanting to take a class, I am actually doing it! This inspired me to also buy Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain. I was able to do a couple of the exercises before my class last night. I was thrilled at my progress. Our assignment was to bring in a photo to draw. I brought a photo I took while on vacation a couple of years ago:
I drew one duck:
For me, last night was all about the duck. But I think I’m making real progress. Slowly but surely.
I seem to be spending all my emotional energy on my class, leaving little – if any – for my Etsy site. I tried to sit down several times to create a piece (or several!). Nope. Nothing new or exciting perking in my head. Maybe once I feel a little further along with drawing I’ll be able to focus on my clay. Still, the earrings I have been working on are almost done and looking good!
Sooooo I’m thinking that even tho I haven’t leapt any tall buildings in any number of bounds, maybe I have done alright so far this month. Yes. I think I have.
Today seems a bit, well, unreal. Or is it surreal. I’m awake, I’m moving and doing and have that sense of accomplishment but I don’t exactly know why. Hmm. I have done a couple of nice things in last couple of days tho….
My drawing class was lovely. My instructor spoke briefly about drawing, pencils, shading, and course objectives. And then she gestured to a table cluttered with random objects and said “get started”. Um. So we did. And she walked around talking about our drawings. I was surprised how much I enjoyed the class. Of course, the more practice the better. Haven’t drawn yet today but the day isn’t over.
Oooo….Today was weigh in day for Weight Watchers. I lost! All is right in the world again! (Heehee). Yesterday I tried the WW site’s questionnaire to see which program I would be sorted into (I suppose it is just me, but in my head I hear a tatty hat crying,”Better be Gryffindore!”). It was purple. Change is good.
Maybe it that’s it… The weight loss has given that feeling of accomplishment! That makes sense. Still, from my to do list: today I am to finish the two pairs of earrings on my work table and start on a large statement sort of necklace. I should do that. Right. Best get started.
I did get these earrings listed:
Off to work. Thank you for reading!
Tonight I is my first drawing class. I’ve had spotty art lessons all my life, but I don’t remember a drawing lesson. So this is something very new for me. I’ve mentioned it before, but it is worth saying/writing again… I have a mental block about drawing. I’ve decided it is long past time to get past childhood bullies. Don’t know if I have any talent or potential, but I plan on having fun trying!
Today’s polymer clay piece:
Thanks for reading! Wish me luck!
Three days into the new year and I’m floundering. “The best laid plans of mice and men”… etc etc…
One of my first areas of ‘needs improvement’ for this year was my book spending. A couple of yeas ago, I was a regular library goer. Once a week, like in my childhood, I selected my pile of books, (always one or two more than I could possibly read in a week), and contentedly read thru the days. I realized that I had completely fallen away from this positive habit. Not that I had stopped reading mind you, I just purchased the books. Of course, there is nothing wrong with buying books – within reason. A caveat I kinda forgot about.
With that in mind, I made a promise to myself – library. But then I remembered an author I have a dickens of a time trying to find – Ovidia Yu. A couple of years ago I read her first Aunty Lee mystery and haven’t found her since. Well. I found her yesterday. And reasonably priced.
Next on the list: WW weigh in. I weight in at home. Crud. Need I say more?
I did however, accomplish one thing on my list, I posted my latest earrings:
Oh well, A little improvement is better than none.
Thank you for reading!
I, like everyone else, have all sorts of dreams, hopes and yes that dreaded word – resolutions – for 2020.
As lovely the idea of having a wand (or nose wiggle or blink) to enable all these changes and improvements to actualize, I know it won’t happen. I also know it is for the best. I get it. A life long learning experience hopefully of growth, courage, and more than occasional beauty.
To that end, I have started this year with a bit of yoga and meditation topped off with WW approved breakfast and lunch. Tomorrow I will shop for my pencils for my drawing course starting next week. I need to list a couple of pairs of earrings on Etsy. A bit of dusting and tidying at home. Laundry. Grocery shopping. Better pack up the decorations. Hmmm… A wand is sounding better and better….
Happy New Year everyone!