The songbirds have returned. Standing in my yard, listening to their celebrations of an early spring and eavesdropping on serenades to potential mates, I’m too grumpy (distracted?) to enjoy their glorious songs.
Those last couple of weeks of January were bit too rough, a little too much, I’m still processing events. I think I’ll just talk about one such event today.
Our Brandy died ten days ago.
A ball of light and love wrapped in silky red hair
Brandy was our heart: sweet, silly, ornery, and little bossy
Still youngish, never ill, she was gone in a flash.
Now, this is the part that in time will be a delight but is still a bit difficult: She died chasing a bunny. Seriously.
Dave said she was chasing the rabbit then stopped and then started running again. Her usual. (We had assumed her arthritic shoulder hampered her chases of late.). This time, however, she laid down and was gone.
Anything heart/brain/vascular could have happened. She was current with everything at the vet’s. I do believe it was simply ‘her time’. And what standard dachshund wouldn’t want their last act to be chasing a bunny? (Except for those who want to be noshing on a bit of something.).
All that being said does not make this easy.
I know we will heal. I know, given the time to process her dying, we will be fine. Not quite yet.
Pleasantries. I love that word.
You run into someone at the grocery and you exchange pleasantries.
You meet an acquaintance for coffee – pleasantries.
A friend for lunch? First come the pleasantries.
The last couple of days, I have been fighting a nasty cold. I have avoided the news, the bills, the house cleaning, and instead focused on taking vitamins and resting (and reading). In short – living the pleasantries.
My head cold adverted, I’m up and functioning. No more pleasantries.
I had high hopes for today. My WW purple would have kicked in showing a lovely loss. I would have finished my sketch from last night, (we started charcoal. Which I loved), over a very sensible breakfast. Then yoga, followed by shoe shopping. A short break for an espresso then blogging and clay. Wonderful. In short, the pleasantries tinted version of life.
The truth – –
Had nightmares. The dogs woke me up far too early for an emergency bathroom trip. Recycling didn’t pick up today. Dragged the full bin back into the garage. Realized I left my charcoal pencils in the classroom last night. Added too much black to my turquoise clay and created a sickly mud. The news…cant even go there. The icing on my cake? A text from my sister requiring a specific time to receive her phone call. I’d rather study current affairs.
Now, sitting at my kitchen table with Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries on TV, I am reminiscing about the pleasantries.
It’s still earlyish. Come what may. Thanks for reading. Today’s photo, bold reds and all:
I can’t believe we are halfway thru January. Did it speed by or creep?
I always think I should be accomplishing great things. Constantly. Yes, I know it is illogical and impossible and I’m working on changing this mindset, but there you have it. Unreasonable expectations leading to a general dissatisfaction. Yep. Well, I have managed to teach myself to look at the stuff I did do/start/maintain.
One thing I am truly delighted about is my drawing class. After all these years of wanting to take a class, I am actually doing it! This inspired me to also buy Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain. I was able to do a couple of the exercises before my class last night. I was thrilled at my progress. Our assignment was to bring in a photo to draw. I brought a photo I took while on vacation a couple of years ago:
I drew one duck:
For me, last night was all about the duck. But I think I’m making real progress. Slowly but surely.
I seem to be spending all my emotional energy on my class, leaving little – if any – for my Etsy site. I tried to sit down several times to create a piece (or several!). Nope. Nothing new or exciting perking in my head. Maybe once I feel a little further along with drawing I’ll be able to focus on my clay. Still, the earrings I have been working on are almost done and looking good!
Sooooo I’m thinking that even tho I haven’t leapt any tall buildings in any number of bounds, maybe I have done alright so far this month. Yes. I think I have.
Today seems a bit, well, unreal. Or is it surreal. I’m awake, I’m moving and doing and have that sense of accomplishment but I don’t exactly know why. Hmm. I have done a couple of nice things in last couple of days tho….
My drawing class was lovely. My instructor spoke briefly about drawing, pencils, shading, and course objectives. And then she gestured to a table cluttered with random objects and said “get started”. Um. So we did. And she walked around talking about our drawings. I was surprised how much I enjoyed the class. Of course, the more practice the better. Haven’t drawn yet today but the day isn’t over.
Oooo….Today was weigh in day for Weight Watchers. I lost! All is right in the world again! (Heehee). Yesterday I tried the WW site’s questionnaire to see which program I would be sorted into (I suppose it is just me, but in my head I hear a tatty hat crying,”Better be Gryffindore!”). It was purple. Change is good.
Maybe it that’s it… The weight loss has given that feeling of accomplishment! That makes sense. Still, from my to do list: today I am to finish the two pairs of earrings on my work table and start on a large statement sort of necklace. I should do that. Right. Best get started.
I did get these earrings listed:
Off to work. Thank you for reading!
Some people will make New Years Eve/Day the Day(S) for a mini life review. Create and make/break oaths, commitments and resolutions. For me, that somewhat (or very) unpleasant/uncomfortable/despairing day is the day after Christmas. Yesterday, I was sucked down that rabbit hole. Somewhere in my journey I made the decision to do something different on this, my day after day. Something just for me: I signed up for a drawing course.
I’ve always wanted to take a drawing course. I’ve got this mental block about it – a kind of embarrassed childhood “they’ll make fun of me” sort of thing. Rather terrible when I think about where it can from; but it is a feeling that has been slumbering virtually unnoticed for a very long time. Well. Next month I start a very short night course, Foundations of Drawing, at my local community center. It is a start. And one I am proud of taking… a little gesture of bravery to end the year.
Thank you for reading and wish me luck!
I got to thinking about one of my favorite childhood beliefs. Somewhere, sometime, somehow, I was told that at midnight on Christmas Eve, animals can speak. (I mean our languages not theirs.). I not only believed, I wanted to have a conversation.
I remember asking my mom about our pets. I got her usual eye roll and snort,
“They do not speak. Go to bed.”
I tried dad.
“I want to talk to Ophelia, (my guinea pig), at midnight. You have to get me up in time to hear her.”
Dad, who always sort of understood about such stuff, said:
“Sweetheart, I can’t get you up because you might run into Santa. I’ll talk to her for you. Go to bed now.”
Thus assured, off to bed I went.
In the morning, I asked dad what Ophelia said.
“She said Merry Christmas and then fell back asleep.”
Mom rolled her eyes and snorted.
A couple of years ago, after a couple of eggnogs, I prodded my dachshunds awake at midnight.
They rolled their eyes and snorted.
Have a magical holiday everyone!
I just realized I haven’t blogged for a over a week.
I haven’t listed anything new on my Etsy site.
I haven’t IG’ed. (Is that a verb now? Don’t know.)
It isn’t that I am depressed, or sad, or really even that busy with holiday preparations. I just haven’t, well, felt like it. No reason. I just seem to want sit on the couch with a nice cup of coffee or wine depending on the time of day.
Whenever I am in one of these moods, (shall I call it a malaise? a funk? sulking? – no – all those are sorta right and sorta wrong), I reach for my Harry Potter books.
I know I am a grown up. (Very grown up if the truth be told.) But there are indeed times when to escape to J. K. Rowling’s world is just what I seem to need. I’ll pick a book at random and keep reading until it is time to stop. And I’ll realize it is time blog, list items in Etsy, and in general, come back to reality. This time, I’m just in time for the holiday!
A peek at the last pair of earrings I listed: